why does it hurt so much when you always knew it all along? I just don't understand. maybe you just want to keep on trusting or keep on believing or just really hoping to be proved wrong. maybe you just love too much that nothing else really matters. all you want is to keep it on. or maybe all you think is that the love you have is strong enough for the both of you. maybe that's why it hurts so much when you're right about what you thought.
sometimes I just think that I'm not being man enough. I don't know. what else can I be? that's just who I am. I am a man but soft inside. that's just me. the soft guy who has respect for women. what's wrong with that? I don't know. it's all just some may be. just hope I won't be hard. I don't really have a hard life, physically. but emotionally I've been through a lot of hardships that I never ever want others to feel. so if it's wrong to be the way I am, then I'm guilty.
whatever it is, I'm just me. I'm not changing, don't make me change, don't make me see I changed.
And welcome to the simple world of mine...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
what grenade? I only hear a harmony!
Boyce Avenue. learn the name, forget it not. such a genius! they did the cover of Bruno Mars' Grenade and they almost made it like it's Bruno who made the cover of it! to me, I love this version more cause when you love someone, this is the kind of emotions you should put on no matter how hurt are you. because love is a risk, a beautiful risk. it shouldn't make you hate. anyway, enjoy the cover yeah.
p/s. I'll fucking caress the grenade for you baby!
the one that never got done.
so I've been having this words in my head for a long time already and I never penned it down on paper or in this case keyed it down on this piece of blog. I was meant to write some lyrics which I hope I can make it into a song. the words keep on playing in my head without the melody of course. so if anyone reading this wanna give me some melody, feel free to it. so here goes.
ENDLESSLY
Love me, tenderly,
That's all I wanna feel,
That's all I want for you to do to me.
Love me, endlessly,
That's all I wanna see,
Forever it will be you and me.
and I got stuck here.........................................damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess that's why it is a piece that never get done. do finish it if you want. :(
ENDLESSLY
Love me, tenderly,
That's all I wanna feel,
That's all I want for you to do to me.
Love me, endlessly,
That's all I wanna see,
Forever it will be you and me.
and I got stuck here.........................................damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess that's why it is a piece that never get done. do finish it if you want. :(
joblesssssssssssssssssssssss
do I get money for writing here? ahh, of course not. but ain't that the catch for being jobless? haha. almost a month now since I finished my study. it's not that I don't wanna find a part time job but I'm still job hunting for a permanent job. I don't want my part time job to get into my permanent job ways. you get it? haha. whatever lah.
I never know being jobless can be this hard. well, it isn't hard pun. just sit around doing nothing other than sleeping and eating. physically, it's the best job ever! but mentally, it's killing me slowly. I'm getting really sick of it!! why can't I have job interviews every week? haizzzz.....
and now it's already Ramadhan. I don't want to be jobless on Raya please. hopefully this month of Barakah will bring something for me to cheer to. pray for me yeah. adios amigos selamatos berpuasaos!
I never know being jobless can be this hard. well, it isn't hard pun. just sit around doing nothing other than sleeping and eating. physically, it's the best job ever! but mentally, it's killing me slowly. I'm getting really sick of it!! why can't I have job interviews every week? haizzzz.....
and now it's already Ramadhan. I don't want to be jobless on Raya please. hopefully this month of Barakah will bring something for me to cheer to. pray for me yeah. adios amigos selamatos berpuasaos!
a lot like love?
back on writing again! what else can you do when you're jobless kan? should have started earlier! hahaha
well, that's not what I'm supposed to write now. a lot like love eh? yeap, stop wondering. it is a movie title and indeed a great love story. blurry? it got Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peep in it. still can't remember it? oh it's okay. I'm gonna talk about it anyway.
so I just watched it for the third time and this is the only time I feel like writing about it. why? because I keep on smiling, laughing and reminiscing while watching it. why? because it reminds me a lot of my own story. I kinda feel that I am like Kutcher. yeah of course he's way better looking but the character he is in the movie reminds me a lot of who I am. the shy, adorable, listener, the one with all the plans, the ducks in a row, the guy who's always there on the right time and also the guy who is always away at the wrong time. just how sad can that be when you fall in love with a girl? love someone so much when you always had to go away. the actress also reminds me of her. Amanda Peet in the movie is someone fun, charming, the outgoing type, always with her own idea, the commanding type you know. but yeah, hard on the outside, so soft in the inside. and she also loves photograph. damn it whoever the director is. you just know my story don't you? hahaha
so, like I said, always there on the right time but always away at the wrong time. that's just how my story with her goes. we never been close to each other. always meet and part and meet and part and meet and part and it goes on. haihh. whatever it is, we always have a good time with each other. how can you let go of someone whose smile can just brighten your gloomiest days? someone you can just act stupid with? someone you know you'll be comfortable with no matter how awkward things can be between you both? a lot like love huh? well, it seems like it but just not it. so fate said.
to those who remembered the movie, you should know the 'strike one', the strike Kutcher got for not making the first step. well, it kinda happen to me too but she never said it. I remember commenting on her photos, her status updates on FB but she's the one started the IM. so I guess it's a strike on me for not making the first step. so sweet of me huh? hahaha. what can I say, I'm always the shy type. but maybe she doesn't notice one thing. all those comments are because I started to like her. so I did make the move didn't I?? :p
okay, what else am I gonna write about eh? did I mention she's great at photography? just like Amanda. yeap, no wonder I keep on grinning and smiling the whole movie! and there's one more scene I really keep in mind. the time when she's being really sad because of someone's death. she asked him to visit the grave cos he was around there. so they were on the phone and she's crying and tell him to talk about something, about anything and he replied that he don't know what to say. typical me. hahaha. but he did go on cracking up a joke even though she didn't find it that funny. huhu. and if you're reading this dear, I did use this joke one time when you were feeling down and I got nothing to say. it's the joke about a kid who's digging a hole to bury his goldfish. a neighbour asked him why is the hole is too big for a goldfish. then the kid answered, "because my fish is inside your cat sir!". hahaha. nice one but yeah she didn't find it quite funny too. :|
so that's all I guess. well Kutcher did get his happy ending though. what can you expect? it's a love story. of course he gets it! for me? I don't know. the love for her is still there. only the story I'm not so sure about. just like the title, A Lot Like LOVE. who knows.
well, that's not what I'm supposed to write now. a lot like love eh? yeap, stop wondering. it is a movie title and indeed a great love story. blurry? it got Ashton Kutcher and Amanda Peep in it. still can't remember it? oh it's okay. I'm gonna talk about it anyway.
so I just watched it for the third time and this is the only time I feel like writing about it. why? because I keep on smiling, laughing and reminiscing while watching it. why? because it reminds me a lot of my own story. I kinda feel that I am like Kutcher. yeah of course he's way better looking but the character he is in the movie reminds me a lot of who I am. the shy, adorable, listener, the one with all the plans, the ducks in a row, the guy who's always there on the right time and also the guy who is always away at the wrong time. just how sad can that be when you fall in love with a girl? love someone so much when you always had to go away. the actress also reminds me of her. Amanda Peet in the movie is someone fun, charming, the outgoing type, always with her own idea, the commanding type you know. but yeah, hard on the outside, so soft in the inside. and she also loves photograph. damn it whoever the director is. you just know my story don't you? hahaha
so, like I said, always there on the right time but always away at the wrong time. that's just how my story with her goes. we never been close to each other. always meet and part and meet and part and meet and part and it goes on. haihh. whatever it is, we always have a good time with each other. how can you let go of someone whose smile can just brighten your gloomiest days? someone you can just act stupid with? someone you know you'll be comfortable with no matter how awkward things can be between you both? a lot like love huh? well, it seems like it but just not it. so fate said.
to those who remembered the movie, you should know the 'strike one', the strike Kutcher got for not making the first step. well, it kinda happen to me too but she never said it. I remember commenting on her photos, her status updates on FB but she's the one started the IM. so I guess it's a strike on me for not making the first step. so sweet of me huh? hahaha. what can I say, I'm always the shy type. but maybe she doesn't notice one thing. all those comments are because I started to like her. so I did make the move didn't I?? :p
okay, what else am I gonna write about eh? did I mention she's great at photography? just like Amanda. yeap, no wonder I keep on grinning and smiling the whole movie! and there's one more scene I really keep in mind. the time when she's being really sad because of someone's death. she asked him to visit the grave cos he was around there. so they were on the phone and she's crying and tell him to talk about something, about anything and he replied that he don't know what to say. typical me. hahaha. but he did go on cracking up a joke even though she didn't find it that funny. huhu. and if you're reading this dear, I did use this joke one time when you were feeling down and I got nothing to say. it's the joke about a kid who's digging a hole to bury his goldfish. a neighbour asked him why is the hole is too big for a goldfish. then the kid answered, "because my fish is inside your cat sir!". hahaha. nice one but yeah she didn't find it quite funny too. :|
so that's all I guess. well Kutcher did get his happy ending though. what can you expect? it's a love story. of course he gets it! for me? I don't know. the love for her is still there. only the story I'm not so sure about. just like the title, A Lot Like LOVE. who knows.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
life when it fells apart : confusionists.
everyone has their own lives. they live it their way. some live it gracefully, some live it just okay, some live it sadly, some living it confusedly.
we know the stories of the people who lived gracefully, who lived just okay, who lived sadly. they're either in love or just the happy people, they're fine living their simple life or they're either living brokenheartedly or just haven't got enough for their life. but little do we know about those who lived confusedly. why? because even they themselves didn't know how to put it in words. confusions, uncertainties, hanging on a thread, just wanna feel the ground.
these people we know less. why? because we don't wear their shoes, we don't live their life. these people need help. but no one knows how. why? because these people normally give out helps. but something happened to them and they're just left lost, confused. too much helping others till others never think they need help.
the reality is, everybody need help. even the best of helpers can't help themselves. everyone needs help. nobody wants to end up confused. so help them. care for them because they used to care a lot about others. they used to care too much about others. they used to put others life first instead of themselves. they are just too used to it that they care not about themselves. what others need is what important to them. what others need is what they need. they just need to be needed.
so please, if anyone has ever put you first in their life, don't hurt them. you don't know how much they beat themselves up just for you. do you even know that they've already put their life in yours? your life is their life. if you're gone, their life follows you too. guess what else is left for them to live on? none. only confusion looms. so this is the story of the confusionists. please, be good to them. you know who they are. you know who will live confusedly because of you. think about them before you hurt them. suck up your pride before you hurt your parents, your family, the person who loves you. remember, your life is always their life.
we know the stories of the people who lived gracefully, who lived just okay, who lived sadly. they're either in love or just the happy people, they're fine living their simple life or they're either living brokenheartedly or just haven't got enough for their life. but little do we know about those who lived confusedly. why? because even they themselves didn't know how to put it in words. confusions, uncertainties, hanging on a thread, just wanna feel the ground.
these people we know less. why? because we don't wear their shoes, we don't live their life. these people need help. but no one knows how. why? because these people normally give out helps. but something happened to them and they're just left lost, confused. too much helping others till others never think they need help.
the reality is, everybody need help. even the best of helpers can't help themselves. everyone needs help. nobody wants to end up confused. so help them. care for them because they used to care a lot about others. they used to care too much about others. they used to put others life first instead of themselves. they are just too used to it that they care not about themselves. what others need is what important to them. what others need is what they need. they just need to be needed.
so please, if anyone has ever put you first in their life, don't hurt them. you don't know how much they beat themselves up just for you. do you even know that they've already put their life in yours? your life is their life. if you're gone, their life follows you too. guess what else is left for them to live on? none. only confusion looms. so this is the story of the confusionists. please, be good to them. you know who they are. you know who will live confusedly because of you. think about them before you hurt them. suck up your pride before you hurt your parents, your family, the person who loves you. remember, your life is always their life.
the road not taken.
life offers you so many roads. you decide, you choose, you determine the road you walk. yeah, life does offer me so many roads. but for now there's only two roads ahead of me. and I'm just in confusion. the low road or the high road? my whole life, I never been thought on taking the low road. it is the easiest way but it's slippery and hard to steer. imagine you're driving on a slippery road. you drive fast, you might get caught in accidents and you might die. but if you're in a difficult situation, isn't dying the easiest way out? the low road, easy but deadly. yeah, at times I do feel like taking the easy way out. but that's just not me. maybe I'm tired of being me? i dont know.
the high road. that's what I always prefer. travel it with pride, sacrifice with might. on another day, it's easier for me to take this road, this hardships but right now I'm just afraid. afraid of taking it while knowing I might just fall. crushing down from so high, down so low. yeah, I know everything has its risk. when things are there to see, I know what's worth the risk and what's not. but now I'm just so caught up. I know the risk. I fell before. I know the hurt. I know I'll fall again. and it's all because of the high road. now tell me what's there waiting for me if I'm gonna fall?
so yeah, I'm just stuck here. in the junction between the high and low road. both I'm not eager to take. even turning back isn't an option. I hate this. I despise this. I need to move on. I need to choose my path. just where the hell should I go? can I just sit here in this junction waiting for help from up above? forget it. will there ever be a savior for me? or I'll just dig my grave here, right here where I'm stuck at.
the high road. that's what I always prefer. travel it with pride, sacrifice with might. on another day, it's easier for me to take this road, this hardships but right now I'm just afraid. afraid of taking it while knowing I might just fall. crushing down from so high, down so low. yeah, I know everything has its risk. when things are there to see, I know what's worth the risk and what's not. but now I'm just so caught up. I know the risk. I fell before. I know the hurt. I know I'll fall again. and it's all because of the high road. now tell me what's there waiting for me if I'm gonna fall?
so yeah, I'm just stuck here. in the junction between the high and low road. both I'm not eager to take. even turning back isn't an option. I hate this. I despise this. I need to move on. I need to choose my path. just where the hell should I go? can I just sit here in this junction waiting for help from up above? forget it. will there ever be a savior for me? or I'll just dig my grave here, right here where I'm stuck at.
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