hopes.

hopes, wishes, dreams. almost are the same but spot the differences. dreams are things you dream of. might be your fantasy or something you want to realize. or it may be both if you're some person who can't accept reality. let say you dreamed of becoming a Superman and you strive for it to be real. before you know if it is real, you might end up dead 'flying' from the 58th floor!! well, that's dream. wishes are things you wish of. you wish for them to come true. you wish they come just like that. just like heaven's door opening and suddenly all the bliss fall upon your feet. you don't really strive for it. because it is a wish! it is something you wish you can have but you know you can't so you don't really go for it. so that's what wish is all about.

how bout hope? yeah, what about it. hopes are things you hope for. no matter how low or how high the hope is, if you didn't get it, it stings you. might sting you like a red ant or like a black-yellow striped bee. we know how hopes can crush us down. some hopes might crush on you like a balloon filled with water. it crashes and it blows. you will be all wet and soon after you will dry up and you go on hoping again. but some hopes, they crush you so hard, so deep just like an elephant being crushed by a gigantic mouse. you might be someone huge, someone strong or maybe someone with the will of steel  and your hope might be something small in size but is extremely enormous in term of feeling. no matter who you are but when this tall, high hope came crashing down on you, you will feel like your guts being ripped off. like your heart being frozen and that frozen heart of yours being crushed by a jackhammer and it fades into thin air!! all you ever wanted to do is die. or live but 6feet down under. just so you can hope for the same hope again and when that hope came crashing down again you're already buried deep in the earth.

yeah, that's what most will think. easier dead than being crushed again and again by something called hope. something that started with words, intangible. something that ended with words, unfulfilling words. still intangible. something that you cannot see, you cannot weigh, you cannot measure, you cannot touch but you can feel. you can feel how heavy, how tall it is and you can feel how it hurts every millimeters of your body.

yup, that's what most of those people with hopes will think. all those heavy, sickening, gut wrenching details of thoughts. they were thinking of those details that they missed what they were gaining. they missed the point that with every hopes crushed, they gained pounds of new strength. those overwhelming feelings of despair make them forget who they are. how brave they are to hope on such high hopes! they forget that if they are brave enough to hope on such hopes, they should be strong enough to carry on those hopes even if those hopes seem impossible. even if those hopes been hurting them inside out. this is a true tale of human beings. we feed on desperation too much that it becomes one of us. it makes us forget that misery loves company. 

so don't. don't live in despair. do not accompany misery! we have hearts. our hearts are strong hearts. do not be miserable and live with desperation and give up on hopes! it is for you to choose. for me, I choose to live through. my hopes crashed. yeah, I know that. I heard the sound of broken records (well, broken hopes do sound more bitter than broken records.). I do feel like dying inside. but it is funny how I can still be alive when I am already feeling dead inside. I might be fooled by my hopes but I am not a fool!! that's only the feeling. the feeling of wanting to die. that's all to it. I am still walking, talking, breathing and even eating. does it hurts to have hopes broken? yes it does. but it only teach me to be stronger. to keep on hoping. to not give up. to believe in changes. to try better. to strive harder.

No, I won't give up! I WILL BE STANDING HERE FIGHTING FOR WHAT I HOPE FOR!!!

p.s. I don't usually fight but I know I should fight for your heart.